Who I was…
It takes me a conscious effort to work with others. I do not naturally gravitate towards people. Most of my time out of work I was spending alone (or with a girlfriend – when I had one). That trait of my psychology kept me from pursuing others to work with me. It wasn’t a decision I made, but rather it was how I felt and it felt normal and natural at the time. I never saw a reason to question it.
The road to the release of To the Other Shore thought me over the years the necessity of working with others in order to achieve certain goals better and faster. That process involved a lot of self reflection, psychological development and internalizing how the world works.
I did not know most of that all these years ago. Releasing this movie wasn’t a goal for me at the time. Making it the best I can was.
A way of life…
My daily life didn’t consist of me thinking what the future holds. It consisted of me thinking what can I do today to make this the best film I can. For almost 11 years, I never felt making of To the Other Shore was what I “did.” I always felt that is how I lived. It was in the back (or the front) of my mind at all times. Even when I was in the midst of an unrelated activity, I always knew this is something I will be coming back to. It was a part of me.
Objectively…
I was a first time filmmaker, with no prior experience, training, connections or reputation in the film industry. I had nobody else (not nobody famous – but nobody else) appearing in or helping me with the movie. That absence of community, sense of collaboration and structured work environment did not inspire others to join. As such, I wasn’t exactly someone people would be actively seeking out to work with
No interest from others…
Nobody ever approached me with a serious interest in possible collaboration. All of the interest ever expressed was along the lines “Can I act in your movie?” My friends and acquaintances would usually say it right after they’d learned that I’m filming one.
Provincetown, MA has a very low population of around 3000 year round inhabitants. The few people that do reside there have their own lives to live, while not having too much of a desire or time to get involved into filmmaking. It’s especially true when it comes to someone they don’t know well and someone who doesn’t actively look for collaborators.
Help I needed…
Having said all that, when I needed help, I would ask for it. My boss let me film in his store, my father let me use his paintings and my then-girlfriend helped with a few shots.
I never needed other actors, cameraman, cinematographer, editor, special effects artist, graphic designer etc… Whenever the moment came for a certain job to be done, the natural course of life simply led me towards the research necessary to find out how it’s done and then I would do it.
In conclusion…
Making To the Other Shore alone was not a decision nor a choice – at least, it never felt like one to me. Of all the efforts, thoughts and decisions that went into this film, whether or not to make it alone was not one of them. That was a natural consequence of who I was and what my living circumstances at the time.
The way I made it felt right.
How I lived felt right.
